I was going to say it's a quote, but it's more like a lifestyle, a choice, a shout, an echo. My good friend Ben Bader had this tattooed on his forearm when we we're about 20 years old. He tragically passed away on October 23rd of this year.
I don't want to write about how sad I am, or how I feel for his family and loved ones, but just in appreciation for getting to know such a person. He had a great story to tell, and I was one of the lucky ones to witness it, with court side seats for a bit.
But one thing a lot of people don't know is that Ben is actually the reason I write this newsletter in the first place. He started one back in College. It only took me a few years to follow in his footsteps.
He's an incredible writer, quite witty and brutally honest. He wrote with conviction, and if I can emulate some of that style, in a minuscule proportion, I'd be proud.
I never actually shared my newsletter with Bader, but I'm confident that if I had, he'd have been a huge encourager, as he was with many people.
As I was saying
Ben had a great story to tell. And again, I'll do my best to tell how that story looked from my perspective.
We joined a fraternity together and shared all of the experiences that come with it, but we got closer our second year. Where we lived together with a couple of other friends. From what I saw, Ben couldn't care less about school. He took a couple of classes his first semester sophomore year during covid, but spent the majority of time in his room, working towards something bigger.
Pretty soon he knew he was going to drop out of Charleston, against the majority of people's advice. I remember peeking in his room to see him watching these videos from a guy named Jason Capital at 2x speed. This guy would talk about making money online and self help stuff blah blah. I told Ben it was bullshit, but he still watched.
And he'd continue to grind down in his room, coming out for the occasional night out, etc. And he'd continue to change, for the better of course. I remember when he hung a one dollar bill up in his room across from his bed.
Why would you do that? I asked him, he responded ambitiously
"Because the first thing I see in the morning I want it to be money."
And then is when the real traction took place.
10 Clients
As his attention to school lessened, he turned into "pure momentum" as his mom put it at the funeral recently. He started learning about advertising, video editing, and seemingly a quiver of skills all at the same time. I remember him going restaurant to restaurant in King street, showing his promotional videos and then asking if he could make a similar one for them. Some said no, but those who said yes loved him. He was quietly hustling in such an impressive fashion, one that I can only appreciate now.
He learned about Marketing, and picked a small niche of basketball trainers to call on. He'd run facebook ads for them, and charge about 1,000 / month. Once he hit 10 clients, I remember my friends and I doing the math behind his back, each person speechless at how simple he made it all look and sound.
He had a gift for it in that sense, and always encouraged other's around him to go out and try, whatever that may be. I've decided halfway through this that I can't do his story a justice, there's too much that he accomplished I can't give the adequate accolades to. Just know that everybody around him was impressed. I'll just tell a couple of other stories.
Often time's Ben and I would drive to Gold's Gym in Mt. Pleasant together in the mornings, cross over the Ravenel bridge with the sun. On the way back, he asked me one time "What's your biggest fear?" I answered with some truth and said "Doing the same thing everyday".
And I asked him back "What's your biggest fear?", to which he responded "Not reaching my full potential." He had a lot left to give and accomplish, but he lived fast for the years he was here, and nobody can ever take that away from him. In his celebration his Miami friends mentioned how he lived 40 years in 25.
Impact
He had an impact on everybody around him, not just me. Here's a couple of stories my friends have shared.
"I had the pleasure of living with Ben in Charleston... we shared so many laughs, beach days, gym sessions, sunbathing on the roof and nights out during that time. But one conversation will stick with me forever. Ben questioned me one night, as I think he did all of us, until the point I had no more answers left for him, about what motivated me in my life, what I strived toward and why. While it was clear he had found the answer for himself, he made it his mission that night to find me mine. He wanted to motivate not only me, but everyone that crossed his path, he was driven to help better those that he interacted with and left such a profound impact on not only myself, but thousands of others. I’ll hold the memories we shared together forever and live my life honoring what Ben lived his for, never forgetting to live by his mantra “If not now, then when?” I love you brother." - A. Spinella
I had another friend of ours tell me that they had a rolling count of 1v1 wins and losses. Eventually Ben was leading by so much they just stopped counting.
And yet another impact.
"When the whole country was under lock down, Ben and I took advantage of the open basketball courts. We would play 1 on 1 full court best of 3 which could go on for hours. I feel blessed to know when the world felt crazy I could lean on playing basketball with my friend Ben. I could go on about how impressive he was on the court; tight dribble, smooth jumper, and just a great understanding of the game etc. However, basketball was just one of many things Ben was impressive at and when Ben decided to move on from Charleston I knew the sky was limit, he was truly unique and destined for success. I hold those memories of those simple 1 on 1 basketball games close to my heart." - J Daile
If not now, when?
I learned at the funeral that Ben's tattoo he got in Charleston "If not now, when?" has rippled as many things he did. His friends, family and even a grandma or aunt has gotten it inked on them in remembrance.
Another guy from our group has it scribbled on a paper, framed in his office, take a look below.
Talk about leaving a legacy
Tell Them
If you've got people around you that you love, tell them. It's a damn shame to write a eulogy, but what an honor it is to have known you brother.
As I said, I'm alright, but just know if you think you should call somebody, you're probably overdue.
